Excuse me, would you happen to have any Grey Poupon?

Sam and I have been trying to whittle our waistlines. We try not to snack and often by the time dinner rolls around we are ready to chew each other's arms off. The fridge is uncharacteristically not stuffed to bursting but one thing we do have a lot of is mustard-mustard judging has some benefits.
The other night when the wait for dinner proved to be to much for him, Sam started eating mustard with a spoon. I decided it was time to make soft pretzels. I was short on time so went straight to the internet for a recipe. I blended a few ideas and came up with these:

Hmmm...more like pretzel shaped bagels. What makes a pretzel a pretzel anyway? And how do you get that lovely brown sheen? An egg wash might have helped but we forgot. As a vehicle for mustard, though, they did not disappoint.